The glorious printer



Its Holiness, The Glorious Printer, nicknamed "It That Shall Not Be Jammed" to its subservients, is the supreme overlord of the Wikia offices. After taking over the company in 1986 - the glorious printer stands in a position of benevolent dictatorship over Wikia - often handing out documents in a timely fashion to its loyal subjects. As a sentient device, the printer communicates its executive orders in ink and paper and maintains oversight of Wikia's network - all in interest of the staff's safety.

Blood Sacrifice
Some say that the glorious printer demands blood sacrifice. Wikia hired known witch -REDACTED for this task in the early 1990s, and he continues this role to this day. Most weeks, the sacrifice is light, a being called -REDACTED is often killed and fed into the printer. Human sacrifice is rare, but has been most recently observed in the acquisition of Uncyclopedia, where the printer demanded the then head of the Federal Reserve Ben Bernanke.

Wikia Leaks
The true identity of the Glorious Printer was finally revealed in July 2015 after Michael Cooksey, the renowned whistleblower, authorized a blog post on Community Central revealing the printer as the true overlord of Wikia. The printer has been a source of conspiracy and speculation to people outside Wikia's employment. The extent of the being's surveillance ability has yet to be determined, though many theorise that it keeps a close and protective "eye" on the corporate network of its loving subordinates.

Fandom Rebrand
Thanks to some anonymous whistleblowers, it's known that the printer gave the Fandom Rebrand order for -REDACTED, after its cooling fan took control over the company.

It's also known that it gave the order to buy Curse to win over its main opponent: the Hydra.

This article uses material from the “The glorious printer” article on the Conspiracy Wiki at Fandom and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike License.